What is Gratitude, Really?

Image by aussiegall via Flickr

Gratitude is more than feeling of thankfulness or appreciation for gifts or favors. It’s a complex feeling of “self-reflection, the ability to admit that one is dependent...and the humility to realize one’s own limitations.” -- Dr. Robert Emmons, professor of psychology at the University of California-Davis and an authority in gratitude research.

In a study of undergraduates, one group listed five things for which they were grateful, the second listed five annoying things, and the third listed five things that occurred. The students also completed questionnaires about their physical and mental health before, during and after the study.  

The results were telling! The group that listed things for which they were grateful felt better about their lives, had fewer health concerns, and exercised more than the other groups.

Other studies reveal that negative words, even silent, negative thoughts, darken a mood while positive ones, expressions of thanks, encouragement and appreciation lighten a mood. 

I find, for myself, that gratitude and worry are mutually exclusive.  When I pause to appreciate, I set worries aside – almost as if I were physically turning my head away. Worries and gratitude don’t “go together!”

This thinking may be on the mark: “Being grateful also forces people to overcome… ”negativity bias” the innate tendency to dwell on problems, annoyances and injustices rather than upbeat events. Focusing on blessings can help ward off depression and build resilience in times of stress, grief or disasters,” according to Dr. Emmons. 

Lou and I are grateful to G-d for giving us a life of pleasure and the opportunity to enjoy the radiance of the Divine Presence. Professionally Goodcopy has been blessed with a talented staff, expertise which we developed together, sophisticated equipment and an establishment that has enabled us to have forty-two years (and counting!) of experience with valued customers. 

Related articles

• Why gratitude isn't for wimps (holykaw.alltop.com)
• Christine Carter, PhD: Are Your Teenagers More Entitled Than Grateful? (huffingtonpost.com)
• How Feelings of Gratitude Breed Happiness and Well-Being (healthland.time.com)

Gratitude: A Whale of a Story

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A December, 2005 front page story of the San Francisco Chronicle, reported on a female humpback whale that had become entangled in a spider web of crab traps and lines.

Just east of the Farallon Islands (outside the Golden Gate), on the humpbacks' usual migratory route, a fisherman spotted a 45- to 50-foot female humpback, estimated to weigh 50 tons.

She was weighted down by hundreds of pounds of traps that caused her to struggle to stay afloat. She also had hundreds of yards of line rope wrapped around her body, her tail, her torso, a line tugging in her mouth.

The fisherman radioed an environmental group for help. Within a few hours, the rescue team arrived and determined that she was so snarled, the only way to save her was to dive in and untangle her.

They worked for hours with curved knives and eventually freed her. This daring rescue was believed to be the first successful attempt on the West Coast to free an entangled humpback.

When she was free, the divers say she swam in what seemed like joyous circles.She then came back to each and every diver, one at a time, and nudged them, pushed them gently around as she were thanking them. Some said it was the most incredibly beautiful experience of their lives.

The man who cut the rope out of her mouth said her eyes were following him the whole time, and he will never be the same.

We at Goodcopy hope that you and your family are privileged to be surrounded by people who will help you get untangled from the things that are binding you and that you always know the joy of giving and receiving gratitude.

Encouraging Gratitude in the Season of Giving and Receiving!

Gifts are truly lovely things, and there is pleasure in giving and receiving. However, in this season of shopping, there's also a place to acknowledge the valuable gifts we already have! Isn't that what Chanukah (evening of December 1^st) and Christmas (December 25^th) should be, appreciation of what we have?!

From the recent Wall Street Journal article by Melinda Beck, gratitude is good for your happiness and good for your health.

“In an upcoming paper in the Journal of Happiness Studies, Dr. Froh and colleagues surveyed 1,035 high school students and found that the most grateful had more friends and higher GPA’s while the most materialistic had lower grades, higher levels of envy and less satisfaction with life. “One of the best cures for materialism is to make somebody grateful for what they have,” says Dr. Froh.

It’s worth it: Children who are grateful have better grades, set higher personal goals, exhibit greater satisfaction with their lives, tend to be less materialistic, and are more likely to “give back.” Those are tremendous benefits from a single characteristic!!!  

Here are some approaches to encourage gratitude in kids:

• A gratitude journal with one to three specific good things that happened during the day

• Think and speak positively; negativity in thoughts and words promotes negative attitudes

• Pause during the day and pay attention to your environment, views, sounds, smells, etc.

• Swap gratitude lists with a friend as appreciation, not as bragging

• Speak positively; negativity in thoughts and words breeds more negativity

• Visit, call, or write a letter with thanks to someone who has helped you

• Keep good memories of vacations, excursions, special events with pictures and postcards and notes

• Count your blessings not sheep at the end of the day (see another entry for all the lyrics!)

For the record, gratitude is good for adults as well: Adults with gratitude are more optimistic, have more social satisfaction, sleep better, exercise more, and have less depression, envy, and fewer physical complaints. Wow! I hope I didn’t put my gratitude away on Thanksgiving with all the platters and bowls and china!

Gifts for Grandchildren

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Gifts for Grandchildren

It’s the official kickoff of the gift giving season with the classic questions:

What do the children want (that I would like to get them)?  

How much will this cost and/or am I willing to spend?!

(Some people reverse these questions!)

I have had my best success in a number of ways:

1)      Go to a great store or department that provides service in one of the major gift areas (toys, clothes, electronics, books and magazines). Then just ask an associate what’s “hot” for offspring in your age, gender, interest, and budget categories -- by now they have seen the patterns and can advise you.

2)      The internet offers an endless supply of options. For a fee and sometimes for free, there’s no worry about wrapping, packing, and shipping:  

For girls, try: http://www.thecompanystore.com/ or http://www.manictrout.com/.

For guys, try http://www.thinkgeek.com/index.shtml or http://rumbatime.com/

Some great sites for young children are http://rompstore.com/ or  http://www.gummylump.com/, or http://thebabygardner.com/ .

3)      Bring the child a small token gift or candy, and then take them shopping for their gift. It’s a great chance to spend time together and learn more about them and their interests, and by then there should be after-holiday sales!

4)      Give them an experience (ideally with you!). It might be theater or sports tickets, special lessons, summer camp, a manicure.

5)      Money, not a gift card which can be misplaced and/or forgotten (unless of course, it’s at http://www.goodcopy.com/ for your favorite young entrepreneur!).

6)      Actually it might seem silly at first, but getting your young babysitter, dog walker, yard raker their own business cards does make for a very cool personalized present.

Finally, if you discover a hit, don’t be afraid to stick with it! A number of years ago, I revisited my own beginning classic reader, “Storybook Treasury of Dick and Jane and Friends,” and gave it as a gift to all the young children I knew. The kids adored it! (However, they read it over and over and over, and their parents hated it!!!!  I thought it a small price to pay for a love of literature.)

Happy gift giving!

Social Bullying to a New Level?

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Social Bullying to a New Level

Are there more nasty, little girls or are we just noticing it more?   Do “helicopter” parents hover and take every small slight to heart? I don’t think so. Look at how devastating it is: 

In the case of a little girl named Caroline Port, the torment didn’t begin until first grade. Within months of starting at a private elementary school in suburban St. Louis, Caroline, now 9, was waking up with night terrors, sleepwalking and crying excessively. When her mother, Karen Port, met with Caroline’s teacher, she learned that her daughter was being ostracized. (Italics added.)

Five birthday parties passed, without any invitations. No one would play with Caroline. She sat with the boys at lunchtime. “I hate myself,” she would tell her mother when she came home. She was 7 years old. -- “The Playground Gets Even Tougher” by Pamela Paul

After I read this, I mentioned it to a GoodCopy staffer, and we agreed we were so lucky to have missed the ordeals of social torment and ostracism.  So, how did we get “here?”  

Parents may be partially to blame, more worried about their children’s social status than their character:

A kindergarten teacher at one of New York City’s top private all-girls schools observed, “The mean girls are often from mean moms.” She was thrown back by the “venom” among 5-year-olds. They’ll say, “You only read ‘Biscuit,’ and we’re all reading chapter books.” Or, “Why don’t you brush your hair? You don’t look nice today.” And they’re not afraid of getting into trouble with a teacher. “Perhaps they can act that way at home without repercussions,” she said. “It’s untypical of this age group because they’re usually adult-pleasers.” 
 

Some years ago I had to explain to my daughter that, in the wake of a highly publicized presidential dalliance, she couldn’t wear a Monica Lewinsky style beret to school.  The news is even more explicit now, and too many other programs are racy, mean-spirited, and violent.  

We all see children (and maybe some adults!) hunched over video games with zombie-like addiction. Aggression wins! What a learning experience.

Youngsters are all over the internet getting even more of an “education,” and following it with “social media” torment on web sites like YouTube, Facebook, etc. Many children text on their cell phones, sending silent, devastating messages about their classmates.          

Even the Federal government is becoming involved and may consider bullying a violation of civil rights. (That’s another topic, not necessarily for this blog!)

More next time on how parents and grandparents might deal with this.  Tell me about your family’s experiences, too.

 

Related articles

• Cultural Studies: The Playground Gets Even Tougher (nytimes.com)
• Mean girls: The playground gets even tougher (seattletimes.nwsource.com)
• Teens and Social Media Bullying - Why Find Help App is So Important (dannybrown.me)

This post brought to you by Goodcopy Printing and Digital Graphics. Thank you for reading!

Don't Bully My Grandkids -- Social Bullying

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Many years ago, I visited with another girl and was stunned when, at her behest, she and her friends suddenly rejected me.  They trooped off, told me I couldn’t come along, and slammed the door shut so that I was unmistakably excluded.  One of other girls, following the “hostess,” looked back regretfully at my plight but lacked courage to buck the leader.  It was more than a generation before I found the term that fit this type of painful incident:  What professionals now call social aggression and what I call social bullying. 

So I propped up the paper during a quick lunch at Goodcopy and was appalled to see how much worse things have gotten:  In her article, “The Playground Gets Even Tougher” by Pamela Paul, October 8, 2010,   about how much younger and more frequent these hostile events are: 

SCARLETT made for a good target. The daughter of a Williamsburg artist, she wore funky clothing to her East Village school, had a mild learning disability and was generally timid and insecure. Lila, the resident “mean girl” in Scarlett’s kindergarten class, started in immediately.


Scarlett, she sneered, couldn’t read. Her Payless and Gap shoes weren’t good enough. She wasn’t “allowed” to play with certain girls. Lila was forming a band, and Scarlett couldn’t be a part. One girl threatened to physically hurt her. During recess, Lila would loom over Scarlett, arms crossed, and say, “I’m watching you.”

Kindergarten?!!  Not just middle school age children, but early elementary?!!   Five year olds?!  In school where there’s no escape?   As an older, occasional guest, my own situation was isolated and no comparison to this! 


"Girls absolutely exclude one another in kindergarten,” said Michelle Anthony, a psychologist and co-author of the new book “Little Girls Can Be Mean.” When her own daughter was manipulated by a “friend” into racing down a slide booby-trapped with mud, making it appear to a group of boys as though she’d soiled her pants, Dr. Anthony was taken aback. “You don’t expect to run into that level of meanness in a 7-year-old.”  

I don’t think it’s too dramatic to consider it emotional torture for the young victims or victims of any age.   However physically painful it is to be shoved or pushed (not that I’m suggesting physical abuse), ostracism and humiliation can take a far deeper toll.  There are all too familiar examples in the news, some resulting in the suicides of young people.   

I’ll be asking some questions:  Why is this social aggression occurring at such a young age?  What should parents and grandparents and other interested parties be doing about it?  On a personal note, I’ll worry that my grandchildren might have to deal with this.  Or even worse, are they dealing with it now?  

What do you think?  Have you had to address this?  What happened?  Tell me!

Thank you!

Edie -- http://www.goodcopy.com

Related articles

• Mean girls: The playground gets even tougher (seattletimes.nwsource.com)
• You: The Nine Most Common Myths About Bullying (newsweek.com)
• Cultural Studies: The Playground Gets Even Tougher (nytimes.com)
• Encourage Your Child to Talk About Bullying (psychologytoday.com)

Reading with Grandchildren

I have a treasure trove of our children’s picture books that I’ve stubbornly hoarded all these years, waiting to read them again with a new generation.  Many of them have wonderful drawings and glorious, imaginative illustrations.  I confess being tempted to frame some of them.
 
What I’m discovering is that in the race to achieve, parents are encouraging their children to read more text, more chapter books and leave picture books behind.  If I were in their shoes, maybe I would, too.  But after reading an article by Julie Bosman, “Picture Books No Longer a Staple for Children”  I’m not so sure.  Ms. Bosmas says,

“They’re 4 years old, and their parents are getting them ‘Stuart Little,’ ” said Dara La Porte, the manager of the children’s department at the Politics and Prose bookstore in Washington. “I see children pick up picture books, and then the parents say, ‘You can do better than this, you can do more than this.’ It’s a terrible pressure parents are feeling — that somehow, I shouldn’t let my child have this picture book because she won’t get into Harvard.”

But is that really such a good approach?!  When reading together, a picture is a chance to pause, discuss the details, what a picture conveys, and to talk about the plot and the issues of the story.  It’s an opportunity to ask some open-ended questions, like “What do you think about….?”  and “What would you do if….?”
“Some of the vocabulary in a picture book is much more challenging than in a chapter book,” said Kris Vreeland, a book buyer for Vroman’s Bookstore in Pasadena, Calif., where sales of picture books have been down. “The words themselves, and the concepts, can be very sophisticated in a picture book.”
Some children like picture books because they’re easier to read.  Shouldn’t reading be fun?  Thoughtful?  Interactive?  Comfortable?  As grandparents, couldn’t we compensate by discussing them with adult vocabulary?

Other children are drawn to the chapter books, and parents encourage it:   
“Young adult fiction has been universally the growing genre,” said Ms. Lotz of Candlewick, “and so as retailers adapt to what customers are buying, they are giving more space to that and less space to picture books.”

Do you read with your grandchildren?  What do you read?  How do you read with them?  What about picture books vs. chapter books?   (As producers of printed material, this is ultimately important to Goodcopy!)

Tell me what you think! 

Related articles

• Picture Books Languish as Parents Push 'Big-Kid Books' - NYTimes.com (nytimes.com)
• Parents Drawing Line at Picture Books (patspapers.com)
• "Childhood is the Prime Time for Picture Books" and related posts (bookmoot.com)
• Don't Forget the Beauty of Picture Books (blogher.com)

What Do Your Grandchildren Call You?

Image via WikipediaWhen we became grandparents, Lou and I were overjoyed, and we mulled over what we wanted to be called. A name is an important thing, and we’d be hearing it (we hoped) for the rest of our lives. What a decision!

In the end, we simply wanted to be Grandma and Grandpa. Our children were fine with that, and our grandchildren presumably would have been too. However, there is an old saying, that people plan and G-d laughs! The grandchildren’s European babysitter referred to us as Bubby and Zayde when she spoke to them. It stuck, and now that’s who we are!

Friends of ours actually wanted to be Bubby and Zayde, and then the other grandparents wanted the same thing! So, with wisdom and a sense of fair play, their children urged them to be Bubby and Zaidy followed by surnames, Bubby and Zaidy Lindy. It is a mouthful!

In some cases families use Grandma and a first name such as Grandma Helen. One grandfather isn’t fond of being Grandpa “Dave.” He didn’t address it when the grandchildren, whom he adores, came along. In hindsight he wishes he had suggested, “Is there something else they could call me?”

From a child’s perspective, it is relatively straightforward: one grandparent, one name. However, it is very different on the other side:

Many grandparents have to remember what they are called by each family. If they have two children, they could have two sets of names; three children, three possibilities... Whenever they call a grandchild, they not only have to remember the child’s name but what he or she calls them so they can say, “Hi, Michael, this is ………”

Then there are blended families where grandchildren have real and “honorary” grandparents, and up to four sets of these combinations! If they themselves have step sisters or brothers, the possible combinations seem endless!

Finally, many of us are in good health and are or may become great grandparents. Add another level of complexity! No wonder there’s that phrase, “senior moments!”

Here at Goodcopy we are especially sensitive to this because not only does everyone in our family want to be called by name, we call our clients by name and our clients want to call their customers by name. Goodcopy uses high speed technology and sophisticated software to generate individually tailored and targeted mailings.

Fortunately for families, there are plenty of names as possibilities: Grandmother/father, Grammy/Grampy. Some of the other popular ones for grandmother are Nana, Mama, Mom-mom; for grandfather, Pop, Poppa, Gramps. Sometimes a grandchild can’t quite pronounce a name, and that version becomes the grandparental name! If you’re at the point of considering your alternatives, there are a tremendous number of them. For a whole list, this link has a lot of options: http://www.thenewparentsguide.com/grandparents-nicknames.htm

So… what do your grandchildren call you? Do you like what they call you??? If they call you by different names, how do you feel about it?

What a Difference A Generation Makes...or...Work and Grandchildren!

Our children pitched in at Goodcopy with foot-dragging reluctance.  They would do a good job, but the anguish of getting them there was never worth it.  In the end, they each chose a vastly different direction for their professional lives.    

Fast forward twenty-five years:  Lou brought our eleven year old grandson to New Haven and Goodcopy so they could do a little “male bonding.”  Eli was interested in what Grandpa does, everything from fielding calls with clients and vendors, conferring with the production manager, to visiting a customer to finalize details of a major project.   

And not only that, the kid worked on real production:  he followed orders, stacked paper, programmed copiers, checked quality, and got things done!  He saw what it took to be successful.  He arrived on time, rolled up his sleeves, met Goodcopy’s quality standards, and earned respect from other workers.  Lou was so impressed at Eli’s focus and work ethic and performance! 

When Eli called his mother to find out what she and the rest of the family were doing, he dismissed their activities as trivial; he was having much more fun at Goodcopy.   As for Lou, if Eli didn’t live in Baltimore, Lou would hire him (part time!) in a heartbeat.    

What did we do wrong before?  What are we doing right this time? 

Looking back, Goodcopy was no treat for our children.  We were always pressured in those days, busy with our business, continuing conversations and work at home about production, scheduling, staffing and everything else that goes with meeting client needs.  We struggled to make time for our children, and now we wish we had made more.       

With Eli it was a different world:  Goodcopy was an out-of-town windfall he didn’t have to share with his younger siblings.  Our staff welcomed him and treated him the same way they treat everyone else.  He got training, hands-on experience, and his success boosted his self-esteem.  He got his own business card and note pads.  He had time alone with his grandfather, and they went out for lunch, toured Yale and explored the New Haven harbor.       

So what was the difference?  We were parents then, and now we’re grandparents enjoying the dividends.

Related articles you might be interested in...

• The Importance of Swimming Pool Fences (swimmingdiving.suite101.com)

The Goodcopy Grandparenting Blog Kickoff

A kickoff puts the ball into play, and this issue is putting our new Grandparenting blog into play at Goodcopy.com.   But why grandparenting?! 

My husband Lou Goldberg and I launched our printing life with Goodcopy when we were the young parents of three small children. The business was much simpler then.  Most of it was copying, printing, binding, and voracious service and quality control so that we could distinguish ourselves with high quality. 

Then came the technology of color, graphics, high speed communications, and the internet. What seemed overwhelming has transformed our business and enabled us to extend our reach far beyond local clients to national and international ones as well.  

Astonishingly, just as technology brought growth and opportunity to our business, our new stage of life as grandparents brought us transformation as well in a vibrant, new, personal chapter with our now-adult children and their offspring:   

We didn’t take enough time with our children for vacations, family trips, even minor activities in the pressure of daily life.  I still remember my panic when my “baby” looked at all the photographs in our hallway and asked where his baby picture was…  I confess I framed a picture of an older sibling, whom he truly resembled, and told him the picture was his! 

So now we have a fresh chance with our grandchildren for all the big and little things we couldn’t (or didn’t) do the first time around.  We read books more patiently, join swimming parties, arrange trips, schedule reunions, and not only take pictures, but organize and share them in internet albums.   

I hope you will join me on this journey of grandparenting:  The thrill of joyful news; the delight of a new little person; the love, health, education and safety of our grandchildren; the challenge of outside influences, long distances, family communication, and occasionally old and new rivalries!

May we explore these and other topics together! 

All the best to you and your family from ours,

Edie Goldberg,
Grandmother
Mother
VP Marketing, Goodcopy Printing & Digital Graphics